Goodbye

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Practise makes perfect, they say. I have been practising for a long time but I am yet to master the art of saying goodbye.

I’ve got the basics down, know how to mumble a light bye and turn away from an acquaintance or someone who is not dear to me. I even manage the cheerful ones to my loved ones,knowing our seperation would be short  and concealing the pangs that still persist,the whisper of doubt that dances in my head.

But the forever ones haven’t been tamed. They gallop away, taking the right words with them. They leave me speechless, inhaling air that suffocates me, looking into eyes I’ll probably never see again and cradling my fissured organ that always falls.

They haven’t gotten easier in any language, even after all these years. Maybe because it is not only the word I give and leave behind.

Still, I’ll choke them out. I’ll blink back the tears and relegate you to your new place, right next to the others who sometimes plague my dreams and thoughts but never take over them.

And then I’ll be on my way,hoping against the calling hopelessness that I’ll perfect them along the way. Or that someone would make me stay and I wont need them anymore because,though I can handle them, I was never made for goodbyes.

 

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Alive

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~Note #1 : dark times do not last forever. You just have to live through them and wait for the inevitable sunshine. ~

I know it is easy to get lost in the dark. It is easy to drown in all the wrong and bad in the world for they shine brighter than the light most times and your eyes habitually search out flaws.

But,as you gaze upon the darkness, do not forget the good that fights to burn eternally. Do not lose focus of all the right in the world.

Live.

Live for the light at the end of every tunnel.For the first flower of spring and soft dew on cool, green grass. For the warm hugs and snowmans on the coldest days of winter. For the autumn breeze in your tresses and hot cups of latte. For the decandent icecream and warm waves of summer.

For the sunrises and silent nights.

Live for carefree smiles, perfect words and dreamy eyes.Live for the people in your life.

Live fully and fearlessly.When you do, the dark will not seem so dense anymore.

And, if you lean close and wade your light fingers through it, it might just dissappear.

 

 

 

Wanderer

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It’s okay,

If you are wandering,

Living but lost,

Running-not away or towards.

It’s okay,

If all you know

Is that you want to be happy,

You want to find your place.

It’s okay,

If you rest a little,

If you trip and fall

Face-first on the ground.

It’s okay,

As long as you know

That if you keep getting up,

Keep going with Dream and Faith held close,

You just might wander onto the right path.

Aria

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//Of Lion Hearts And Tailored Scars//

Aria(Hebrew: אַריָה) – lioness;

Lion Heart, her father used to call her.

That had been true once but now it just made her smile bitterly at the irony.

There were traces left of course- just enough to remind her of everything that would never be hers again,to make her wish it away.

Her body was still tough enough,enough to bear the blows, enough to heal from the purple stains on her smooth skin.

Her mane was still wild and long enough, enough for her to be dragged and flung across the room.

Her voice was still loud enough, enough for her pleas to be savoured by him but never for others to hear.

And her heart was still strong enough, enough to hold on through it all, enough to prolong her suffering and never break like her soul.

Lion Heart. Always strong, he’d thought. Weak, she knew.

The door creaking open made her retreat into her corner. She hugged herself as she waited. Waited for him to draw closer, to deliver his practised hits like he’d once delivered flowers.

She had never seen the monster lurking in him, the one she could see now in his seasonal eyes. She hadn’t seen the first hit coming but she knew them all intimately now. Knew the well placed blows to her crevices,the way he craved her pain and helplessness, the words that reminded her of her place, her worthlessness and desolation.

Words so at odds to his lovely ones in the morning. The empty words that she could see through now, their meaning fading, fading like the love and foolish hopes of him changing back forever. Leaving her with nothing but her close acquaintance-fear.

Why did he turn into this?, she used to wonder.She’d known for a long time now that he hadn’t. The shy, sweet man who had charmed her parents and won her hand-who he still was for everyone else-didn’t exist. That man was a farce.

She held onto the wall, her nails digging into it. Running only ever cost her. So she braced herself, waiting for him to tailor more scars on her skin with ruthless intent.

Lion Heart, he’d called her.

Not anymore.

 

Nostalgia

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We lose people, whether we want to or not, throughout our lives. Like trees shed their leaves, we shake them off and be on our way.

It may be because of a misunderstanding or a fight. Or maybe they just don’t fit in your life anymore.Whatever the reason, your time together is over and there is a person shaped hole in your life. But you adjust and it slowly gets filled in until, eventually, you move on.

You don’t think about them every half hour. You don’t turn to your right with a question, expecting them to be there with a crooked smile. Their name isn’t on your frequently contacted list anymore, your social media is wiped clean of them and soon they are just people you used to know, familiar strangers.

You don’t think about them everyday anymore but you still remember them.Because holes can be filled perfectly but the memories they left with you never fade.

There may be days when you pass a place that used to be your spot and wonder if they are doing good. There may be days when you recollect the good times you had with them,when you look at your old photos and wonder if what you did was right, if you should have stuck with them. There may be days when you regret your choices and the people you lost.You wonder if they are still the same, if they would reply if you text them, if they still like strawberries.You might even look into them, type out a message and almost press send.

But,in the end,you don’t.

Because the world has moved on and so have they. So have you. And you may miss your days with them but some people belong with you only for a little while, never longer.

So you count the people and blessings you still have and be on your way-leaving behind the maybes,broken forevers and lingering warmth of strawberries, laughter and them.